I do not have any full blooded siblings, but I am the oldest of eight. My parents divorced when I was two, so I have no happy memories of a true family for me. My mother, met a Jamaican man from work and they hit it off. Apparently, they hit if off very well since they are still together and have had three children after me. My father had a bit of a rougher time finding the next Mrs. Right. He remarried twice after the divorce with my mother. With my ex-stepmother he had three children, and with my current stepmother, I gained a stepsister and the youngest half blood sibling was born when I was eleven.
Though I am the oldest of eight, I have only lived with my mother, Jamaican stepfather, and half-Jamaican siblings. I held no animosity towards anyone. I am not one of the children who have been scarred by divorced parents. I was two, when it happened and have no recollection of anything to be mourned about the break of their marriage vows to spend eternity together. I would like to believe that I was a good older sister. I held my younger siblings, fed them, changed them, etc. But, growing up in a home with a Chinese mother and Jamaican father does not exactly give room for a family bred in warmth and love.
My father's side is different. Although he divorced my ex-stepmother, they continue to remain in touch and he takes care of her, because she is mentally unstable. My father is nothing but a hippie love bug. My entire family on my father's side is full of warmth and support for anything and everything you do or believe.
My family is divided and always has been. It is the way I grew up. I don't exactly know what it is like to love a family member for who they are, rather than what they are. Does that not make sense? I feel like it is a concept a little difficult to understand. You see, I don't know if it is because history and society ingrained in us: this idea that "blood is thicker than water" or if it is genetic or just in our mental subconsious that we need to support, love, and accept family irregardless of anything.
I bring this up because alot of what I do for my family- it's not because I want to, it's because I feel obligated. That is my point. Being in my family, you feel obligated to do things, like you have to because they are your blood. But, I don't want to. I don't want to do half the things I do. And, before you say, "we'll that's probably because you suck". I don't. I would gladly do anything for friends. I want to help friends. I feel like my friends are my real family. They see the real me, while my family does not. Which brings me to another point.
My family doesn't know me. I come from a family of skilled liars. I knew how to lie when I was little and my skills only grew with age. I can lie to anyone for any reason anytime. And, I lie because I know if my family saw the real me, they wouldn't accept it. Already they see something in me they don't like and they try to change me, to convince me to be like them.
I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be like anyone. I want to be myself and I can only do that with my friends.
Blood is thicker than water. This only means they love me because I am blood, not because of who I am. Because, I know who I am upsets them all. In a family of logical thinkers and doers, I strive to be the dreamer and pursuer. My friends, though, they love me for me and not what I am. They are my true family. Blood means nothing if there is no peace and acceptance of one's self. I could live without family, but my friends, mean the world to me. They are my water, my nourishment to thrive to be who I am. They are the ones helping me to become a better person and work harder to achieve my dreams.
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