The past two years have changed my life. Not sure if for the better because honestly, I do not think I have ever been more hurt. I was in love with someone, who I thought cared for me- but it turns out I was just a side piece he was using. He told me many pretty lies and I believed them. And, he would have kept telling me the pretty lies except I told him one truth he could not run away from. I carry our child.
Needless to say he wasn't thrilled. He tried everything in the book to force me to abort but I stood strong and refused. Because while having a baby with me means the end of the world for him- for me the baby was made out of love.
I know all his reasons for not wanting to have a baby with me and I respect them all- they are very logical and make perfect sense. But they mean nothing to me. To me, what I have inside is alive. It has a heartbeat and it is growing. My first proud moment as a mother was hearing the strong heartbeat that the fetus had. It's hard for some women to hear their fetus' heartbeat after 5 or 6 weeks. But here I am, my fetus only four weeks and its heartbeat is so strong. And, I know it got its strength from its father. Because he is a physically strong person.
The only reason I would abort this opportunity is because its medical and health in the future would be at risk. I'm going to take a genetic disabilities test as soon as possible so I can know. If the tests come back negative for anything to worry about, I will keep the baby and raise it on my own. If the tests come back positive for something, then he will get his wish. And, I will abort.
This time, these moments of being a mother should all be filled with joy. But instead I am crushed from the truth. I am heartbroken and alone. I am afraid. my life was never easy. And, it never will be, especially so now. But I am willing to keep fighting.
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