Being the Oldest Sucks

     You don't get to pick the family you're born into. You're born into circumstances you can't change. You need to live and deal with the people you are surrounded by. Sharing blood is like a magic bind that ties you forever to those who are kin. And, if you were brave or selfish enough to ignore the call of the blood and obligations that have to be fulfilled, then you are deemed a DICK.
     I cannot turn my back on my family no matter how hard I wish. If they call, I will answer. If they suffer, I do as well. It sucks.
     As the oldest of all my siblings I was always made to be the responsible one. I was taught everything to be more mature and think for everyone. I was told the secrets of the family that are hidden from the minds of children. I was never allowed to live in a bubble of happiness like my sisters and brother.
     At 17, I was supporting my family off my Starbucks paycheck. It stopped for awhile, but then recently my mother has asked for monetary help again. But she does not know that I can barely support myself. All I can say is thank gods for credit cards with cash advance. Thank god for my good credit, even f I have debt.
     But, what are you supposed to do when the woman who birthed you, gave up whatever dreams she had to raise and support you, asks for help? Can you really turn your back without feeling guilty? I can't help but promise that if I ever become successful in my endeavors that she will be the first to receive the peace that money can buy. 
     And, of course to keep my mother less stressed, I will keep my secrets away from her. She has enough to worry about with a jobless spouse and the twins off to expensive colleges. Twins who had no thought to how our mother would pay for their education, twins who were allowed to be young.
     Am I a little mad? Yeah. Why am I always the one left to consider everyone else's well being? I'm not saying they are completely selfish, my family has come through for me when I was in emergency situations, but everyday care... everyday thought... that is left for me.