Family Legacies and Traditions

     Close knit families have legacies and traditions to pass onto the next generation. Some even still have heirlooms to pass down from generation to generation. I think about my family and what it has to offer my generation and the ones after.
     Divorce... is a tradition. I know, how can divorce be a tradition? Well, out of all the eight marriages in the generation before mine, six have ended in divorce. Of the remaining two, one is still a happy and strong marriage, the other is only held together because the husband refuses to give up. So, now you can see why I say divorce is a tradition- negative, but a tradition. So, I don't hold high hopes for a successful first marriage. I've accepted it.
     Strong familial ties- definite legacy. My Chinese side and my Spanish side may be different in many ways, but the one thing that they have in common is the strong belief in family and the motto blood is thicker than water. No one matter who did what, how evil, stupid, or selfish  a member is- if they asked for help, they would get it. No one believes in abandoning family on either side.
     Strong personalities in women- legacy. From both sides of my family all the women are strong. There are three shy ones, but all in all, we are all dominant and able to take care of ourself and our own.
     Traditions... I cannot think of any, but I have decided to start one. All who bear the name "Nieves" and are part of it, will tattoo a custom designed snowflake. For those of you who need explaining: Nieve in Spanish means snow. So, I was the first in the family to tattoo a snowflake on my wrist. I customized it to fit my personality. The branches end in arrows because I am a Sagittarius and there is a pagan star in the center because it is my true belief. I've already told my father, stepmother, and sister, Maria of the new tradition I am creating. They are all for it. They will design their own snowflake tattoos and carry on the tradition.  
     Heirlooms... My Spanish grandmother has many things given to her by her mother and grandmother. The oldest and probably most important to my grandmother is the Sagrada Bible. It's a bible in Spanish issued to them by a church. The bible has the most beautiful, colorful images. And, there is a section in the bible itself to record your family tree and history (baptisms, weddings, funeral, births, etc.). Flipping through the history of my family, I have learned my I have many French ancestors; and, the names Basilia and Cruz were once our family names.
     I still desire to meet the oldest of my living ancestors just to see if they would approve of me. I want to know what they would say about me. I can't explain why, but it is something I truly want. I also want enough money to hire a genealogy investigator to look up my family history and ancestors to as far back as they can. I want to know where we came from. I want to know my families' past.

Thanksgiving 2013, Texas, Reflection

     I never spent Thanksgiving with my Spanish side because we live in different time zones. My father is a gypsy, moving his home every couple of years, usually within the Texas state vicinity, but also sometimes different states such as Florida and Oregon. Since, he mostly stays in Texas, my grandmother moved down to be closer to her grandchildren. Her sister moved to Texas to follow her. And, her sister's daughter moved with her children to follow her mother. (Talk about chain reaction or follow the leader). So, basically all my Spanish family members live here in Texas, a state a despise. Yes, despise. I'm sorry, Texas and Texans. I, genuinely without a doubt in my mind, HATE Texas. It's hot; it's boring; you need a car to get everywhere; no one is ever outside because it's too damn hot. I will NEVER live in Texas.
     But visiting.... visiting is a different story. When I stay with my grandparents, I feel the most relaxed. I am accepted. I am cared for. I am left alone. I am considered in decisions they make. I love visiting my cousin Alaina, who has the hands of a god in the kitchen and the heart of a gentle saint. I love talking to her and just letting lose all the bottled emotions I had. She has always treated me as an adult and equal. She is so loving and cares for everyone, but it is rare anyone lifts their hands to help her out. So when I am on vacation, I go to her house and help her often with anything and everything she needs. And, I don't feel obligated to do so.  I do it because her company makes it enjoyable and because she NEVER once has asked me to help. In fact she tells me not to help because I am on vacation. But, I do, because I know that what little help I offer her, will be her only vacation.
     My immediate family (father, stepmother, brother, and sisters) are now divided. Maria lives with her mother (my ex-stepmother) near my grandmother. Sandy lived with my grandparents. Ashley lives with her fiancee, Robert, in Austin with his grandparents. Only Tony and Connie still live with my father and stepmother, Bonnie. Every one of them loves me and I love every one of them. Maria and I have spent the most time together. Out of all my siblings (twins included), Maria and I are the most alike. She is now at an age where I can interact with her as an equal, not an older sister who is in charge. She took me out to drive the car for practice and shopping while I was here. And, even though Sandy and I are under the same roof, we are both loners. She sticks to her room, and I stick to the dining room table. (Back in NY, I am cooped up in my room. I like the feel of being able to stretch my legs and escape a cage. So, whenever I am in Texas, I rarely stay in my designated room.) Tony and Connie are still at the ages where I am still the older sister. I cannot interact with them as equals. Tony is a rambunctious, smartass, who has some trouble with authority and keeping his mouth shut. And, Connie is a shy mommy's girl, who is also still babyed because she is the youngest of us all.
     I was never a good sister. I will not pretend to be. I cannot be. I wasn't raised to be emotional or sensitive. I was raised by a Cancer Zodiac sign. And, for those of you who don't know what that means. It means that Cancers are one of the most sensitive people out there, but they hide it, so no one knows. I was raised to be tough and keep my weaknesses to myself. My father raises his children to free with their emotions and embrace them. I actually am very uncomfortable with hugs, which is a huge problem because my father and family here are big on hugs and affection. And, I'm sure it seems like I'm a very cold person. But, I just cannot. It's not how I was raised. It's not me. I'm a better friend than sister. Which is why I love it when my siblings reach the age of sibling equality. The twins, Maria, Ashley, and I can all joke and hang out as equals. But, my younger siblings I am still at a loss at how to interact and deal with. I love them, but I cannot show it.
      I love them, and that is why I put aside my OCD at least once during the visit to stay at their home. Which is a real hardship for me. The home is not in anyway ideal for me, my OCD, or my health. So, I often leave the place with asthma. But, I do it at least once because I know it will make them happy, my being there. Even if I just sit there in silence; I am still there- it is the most I can do for now. And, I hope they understand.
     But, I came for my first Thanksgiving here, because of my LA plans. This coming year, I don't plan on going anywhere besides Mardi Gras in February. I need to start saving everything I can for the big move, and I figure I won't be fully settled and financially stable in LA for two years, so I definitely won't be traveling anywhere to visit anyone from 2014 to 2016. So, I figured this is my last chance for a definite chance in a real Thanksgiving with my Spanish family. And, I am so glad I did. I saw everyone and it wasn't a really big affair, but just to see people interact was heartwarming.
     My grandmother and her sister are hilarious sisters. They were stabbing each other with forks and calling each other fat. My father was calling our cousin Alaina, fat. Alaina said my father's facial hair reminded her of a dirty vagina. Zach, Alaina's youngest son, was on holiday leave from the army and he brought hom other Army strays (soldiers) to celebrate the holiday and he was still as crazy as ever. The soldiers ship back tomorrow and invited me to hang out, but I was too exhausted and a little uncomfortable with a group of people I didn't know. Not to mention I can't drink because of my severe asthma lately. (Total joy killer, having asthma.) I took my cousin Derek got his first tattoo. He's a 5th grade teacher and in his mid forties. He got a tribal Sagittarius tattoo on his left shoulder blade. He made funny faces of pain throughout the entire inking. My grandaunt (Grandmother's sister) Lulu, had a huge tear in the back of her jeans and she was out in public. While driving with Maria, a crazed car popped up behind me and flashed their lights. I thought for sure we were going to be killed and drove like a maniac, which I think scared Maria more. I met Ashley's fiancee for the first time and they seem happy, which makes me happy. My cousin John gave me a welcome hug of his own accord. My grandmother ran a red light. I pulled a move my mother would have done and did a fast left turn before a car could get in front of me, and scared my father half to death.
     I always have good memories when I come here and spend time with them. Watching them all makes me happy, when normally in my boring mundane life, I am just content. I enjoy it beging here, surrounded by warm love. But no matter how many times my father asks, I would never live here. I like a place where there is a deli 2 minutes walk away. I love being in a place where I can walk to work and not die from a heatstroke. I like being able to order delivery. I cannot live in Texas.
     I love my family but, I need to love myself, and follow my dream. I need to leave my family to love myself. I will cherish the memories I have made this holiday.

Shade's Children, Being Unknown, & Injustice of Experience

     As you all know, I am an author of short stories and movie scripts. My ultimate goal is to be a movie star and screenplay author. So, what is a nobody like me supposed to do to get my material out there? I'm part of the Writers Guild of America. I have scripts floating around out there, but alas, because I am a nobody, no one will want to give me a chance.
     So, I try a different path. I decide to write a screenplay for one of my favorite books: Shade's Children by Garth Nix. I first emailed Garth Nix, telling him of my intentions. I told him I wanted to write a screenplay for his book. I was a fan of the story and I thought it would be great if fans could see a live action rendition of it. I told him, since I am a fast writer I would be done with it in two months max. I told him I wanted his blessing, etc. Garth Nix never emailed me back. Undeterred, I wrote the script in less than two months. I had several friends read it, and they all loved it. I wrote to Garth Nix once again, and told him I did what I said i was going to do. I wrote the screenplay for his book. I received an email back from him saying he was flattered I was a fan, but he should have gotten permission first, and that he is currently in negotiations now with a production company to pen a screenplay.
     Of course, at the moment I wanted to kill him and myself. If he wasn't an inconsiderate person and replied to my first email, then I wouldn't have wasted my time. But, then I remembered 90% of the human population don't take others seriously when they say they are going to do something. It is only when they are in fact threatened in some way that they decide to take some sort of action. So naturally, having the knowledge that I wrote the screenplay for his book, shook him. He probably thought to himself, how dare this nobody write a screenplay for my book? But, you know what. I did.
     I wrote a full screenplay based EXACTLY on his book. With of course a few flares of my own personality in there. But nonetheless, it is a flawless script for his book. He waited until I threatened his ego as a writer to speak with me, and will guess what. I'm outing him. My blog may not be read by many people, but if someone searches Shade's Children and movie, this post is sure to pop up, and might possibly get read. So, that is enough for me.
     It's sick how people ask for people with more experience, and at the same time refuse to give people the opportunity to learn. If Garth Nix was a true genuine person who wanted to support others, he would give me a chance. The same could be said of his publishing company whom I also contacted. What is so wrong with taking a few hours to help someone who might be good?
     I would have complied in every way to get my script into production. I have no problems saying it was based on Garth Nix's novel. And, even if he wanted to change a few things in it, I would have been fine with it. I just want my name on screenplay because I wrote it and it was good. But, no. Authors with egos are just another member of pool of jerks that reside in the world. But that is fine, because I'll find another way to win and in essence get revenge. Because no one screws with me and gets away with it. I don't forgive and forget. I get even and I enjoy revenge.

1st Thanksgiving Ever, Pescatarianism, & Family

    Growing up with my Chinese side, I was never subjected to real family drama. The most drama that went around with them was that my Chinese grandmother acts like an overgrown child and annoyed the hell out of everyone. To that statement I will agree, she gets under your skin and just.... shreds your mind with her high pitched yelling voice and need to repeat everything over and over. But, aside from her... my mother and her two sisters are close and they speak and gossip everyday about all their children. There are two lost aunts who live in their own worlds and aren't really included in family functions, but that is their decision. Even so, there is no drama between anyone in my Chinese side of my family. I grew up with this life of no drama and animosity between my family members so it's always shocking when I go to visit my Spanish side of the family and see the opposite.
     Chinese people do not celebrate holidays. Sure Americanized families get together and eat a meal, but it's not the traditional American Thanksgiving of turkeys, mashed potatoes, corn, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pies. So, in all my life, I never had a proper Thanksgiving. So, in light of my future plans of moving to L.A. and trying to settle in, I know I won't be traveling to visit any family for the next couple of years until I'm fully settled and nested in my new home. This is quite literally the only chance I have of having a real Thanksgiving with my Spanish family. As such, I have put aside my pescatarianism to consume meat, because there is no such thing as a pescatarian Spanish family. I would starve here if I continued to be a priss like that.
     And, being pescatarian isn't a religious choice. I chose to slowly cut meat out of my diet, not because it's unhealthy for you, but because I don't like the idea of eating another living thing. Because the truth is, the animals will be killed irregardless of cruelty or supply. Humans are meant to be carnivorous and also eat plants. It is our species' evolution. And, besides with all the animals being killed out there someone has to eat it. I just choose for that someone to not be me. I don't care if anyone else eats meat. Hell, I can't kick eating salmon and shrimp. I know I will eventually, but definitely not anytime soon. So, all I'd have to worry about is, eating plants, and killing them.
    Anyway, back to the Spanish family and their animosity towards certain other members. In this aspect I am the Swiss. I am Australia. I am neutral territory. I both abhor and am thankful for the way my mother raised me, because she taught me to be a proper independent child who was obedient and quiet. And, as such a child, every single family member I have loves me because I always behaved and helped around their houses. And as a such loved child, all my family members babied me and spoiled me, making me love them all in return. So, when I hear so and so dislikes so and so, it slightly bothers me. And, I know they confide their true feelings in me because I am a good listener and they want me to know the reason why they feel these emotions, and sure they can be justified to that person, but to me, even if it is true, I cannot hate any of my family members. I love them all. I may not show it, because I am not an emotional person or warm, but I do care.
     I have a divided united family. Yes, a divided united family. I have divorced parents, but a huge family who stretches across the typical social boundaries to stay united. And, yes that causes many relationships to strain, but atleast there is family so catch you if you fall. If so and so hates so and so, it won't matter because in the end, you have that one tie to keep you together and you can't sever it. And, yes, they tell me they hate so and so, but you know what.... it's not just hate. It's also love.
     I have come to the conclusion that all the rants I hear about how this family member sucks and is aweful, etc, it's out of love and disappointment. The person is disappointed that the other could be such a failure, when they could be so much more. And, they hate them because there was love, but that was strained because of all the disappointment that was felt towards that person.
     I know, I talked in circles in this post. But, I can't mention certain family members, because they could be read and I'm not opening that can of worms.