When I was younger, I prayed for a little brother. I planned to love him unconditionally. I planned to take him to the park, movies, birthday parties. I vowed to be the best sister I could be. But, I only wanted a brother. I never wanted any sisters, but sisters aplenty I have. So, when my mother announced that she was pregnant with a boy, I thought my wish came true.
The nine months my mother was carrying my little brother were a blur, they seemed to pass by so fast. And, when my younger sisters and I were allowed to go visit my mother and new brother in the hospital, I couldn't wait to hold him.
A thing I regret now, is that my little young self didn't bring a camera to take a picture of him as a baby. But, that can't be changed now.
The next few months he was home was amazing. My mother never had to ask me to help her with him. I willingly woke up early morning to feed and change him. I gave up my cartoons to read to him. He was everything to me. So one day when I came home and he wasn't there, I worried. My mother and stepfather didn't come home their usual time. My aunt came to babysit the twins and I. I couldn't fall asleep because back then I needed to say goodnight to my mother before I was able to fall asleep.
So, when they finally came home in the dead of night I was awake. And, I didn't see my baby brother.
I asked my mother where he was and she started to cry. I think that was the only time I saw my stepfather hold my mother (even to this day).
I think I grew up that night. I realized my wish didn't come true and that there wasn't a "One" god who watched over everyone, trying to make them happy. I lost my faith in monotheism, shortly after.
My brother didn't come for a over a year. He was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy Stage 3. he needed nurses and a respirator to help him breathe. Doctors didn't expect him to live past two. My brother made it to ten years old, almost eleven.
My biggest regret in the world, is that I wasn't a better sister. I made promises to a normal brother for a normal life, but I wasn't able to adapt that plan to his condition. I couldn't take him out to play, but I could have read to him. I could have stayed with him more often in his room and just spent time with him. But, I didn't because I was too hurt and confused and selfish. I hated the world, I was depressed. I wanted to be alone.
The day he passed away is a day I will never forget. The whole universe seemed to align for me though, clearing the path so that I wouldn't be able to miss it. I'm not sure you would understand, but trust me when I say fate meant for it to be and nothing anyone did could have changed it.
I miss my brother. And, I long for the life that I wished for us. But, I can only hope that in the next life I have, we are reunited and able to be together like I planned.
There was a time when I thought I could cope with his loss; and for awhile I did. But, I was terrified of forgetting him. Because I know my mental defense-mechanism is to forget everything that hurts me and his death hurt me more than having my heart broken by my first love. (I know, what kind of comparison is that? Well, it's the only two great hurts I've suffered in my life so far.) But the truth is... now, I can't look at a photo of my brother without crying (even tough I carry a photo of him with me everywhere I go). I can't even think of him without hurting.
A part of me will never be able to overcome the pain of his life and death. Simply because it was unfair. The unspoken rule of life and death is that the old must die, while the young live. It's the reason why adults would risk their lives to save children. The older you are, the more you have lived, isn't it fair to trade your life for the one of someone younger who hasn't lived? As the eldest of all my siblings, I would give my life to save any of them. I have not loved my life to the fullest, but I have lived and I would give my life so my siblings could do the same.
It's never easy for a parent to lose a child. But, no one ever thinks to consider the hurt the siblings feel. We feel the pain, too. Because even though sibling bicker and argue and may even hate each other, there is bond that ties us together; and, when one of us is hurt, we all feel it.
My brother's life and death caused many issues between our family, but the one thing that never changed was that we all loved him with all our hearts even if we didn't show or rather, sucked at showing. And, we all felt the same guilt and pain. My brother joined our family together and he will keep us that way. His life and death will be the one burden and pain we all share.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Animal Fight Club and Dante's 9 Circles of Hell
First and foremost: there should be a special circle in hell reserved for the disgusting humans who created Animal Fight Club.
Animal Fighting Club is, as you can guess, Fight Club without the hot Brad Pitt or any humans as a matter of fact. Animal Fight Club is a fight club where animals, not always of the same species, are placed in an enclosed ring to fight to the death as entertainment for their masters.
Unlike those that believe in the book, The Bible, I believe animals have souls and spirits. Any animal lover can see that an animals have personalities. They have likes and dislikes. They feel pain. They feel emotions. If they were soulless, they would just be mindless biological machines that did nothing except stand there like a piece of terra rock.
Nonhuman-animals have one thing we, human-animals, are not- pure innocence. Our nonhuman-animal cousins may have personalities and spirits, but they do not have a conscious as we do. Without a conscious, they cannot have the desire to do wrong, because they do not know what that means. You can say in a way, that an animal's mind lives in a world of pure innocence and naivety.
So, what kind of sick, mental sorry excuse for a human being thinks it's morally sound to destroy that type of innocence? I'll tell you- the same kind of bastards and motherf*ckers that rape and murder people.
You're probably saying, "Oh, Cassio, don't be so dramatic. Animal Fight Club ringleaders are not in the same category as rapists and murderers."
Well, to that I say, "Shut the f*ck up. And, yes, they are. And, also, in fact, hurting an animal is worse than hurting a human, because at least a human can defend themselves or call out for help. An animal won't know what's going on until it's too late. Nonhuman animals aren't evil or capable of malicious intent towards others. They have no idea, the limitless evils humans can possess and do.
Onward to the second part of my title for this post: Dante's 9 Circles of hell. Which one of these hell holes do Animal Fight Club ringleaders and spectators belong? For those of you who don't know the definings of Dante's hell map, I'll give a brief summarization.
First Circle: Limbo- where all good and decent souls go that do not believe in the "One" god and were not baptized.
Second Circle: Land of Lust- where all souls that committed adultery or fornicated out of wedlock for pleasure go.
Third Circle: Land of Gluttony- where all souls go that led a selfish life and fed their fat ass extra, not giving any to the less fortunate.
Fourth Circle: Land of Greed- where all the souls that thought of themself and only themself in every aspect; mostly filled with politicians and notorious leaders/people of power.
Fifth Circle: Land of Anger- souls that actively sought revenge for the cause of their anger issues and for those that let is sit deep inside to simmer but did nothing about it. It is a bit unfair that those that did not seek out revenge were punished but, hey apparently followers of the "One" god had to be immaculate to get into heaven.
Sixth Circle: Circle of Heretics- where all those that deny the religion and belief of the "One" god go. (Guess, I'll be going here.) But, I won't be alone, because apparently even those believing of the "One" god can go here if they believe in the wrong "sect" of the "true" religion. To be clear" even if you believe in the "One" god, if you are any other religion besides Christian/Catholic you will be joining the party that's in this circle.
Seventh Circle: Circle of Violence- where all the bastards that kill others, commit suicide, or actively destroy the earth go.
Eighth Circle: Circle of Fraud and Lies- place where all those that plan to corrupt others go. Example: cunning politicians, pimps, leaders of conspiracy groups.
Ninth Circle: Circle of Betrayal- a place where those who betrayed someone they had close ties goes. Examples: cheating spouse, parents that hurt their children or vice versa.
So, after going through the entire beehive that his hell, did you spot where Animal Fight Club ringleaders go? If you said the Seventh Circle, you are correct! According to Dante, any person committing acts of violence to the "One" god's creation, Earth, goes to the Seventh Circle. Animals are the 'fauna' part of "flora and fauna" (life of earth); to destroy any aspect of it, is to commit an act of violence against the "One" god and therefore needs to be punished.
We've all heard of cock fights aka rooster fights, dog fights, and even the occasional shark fights. But, I have never in my life heard of horse fighting until this week. Apparently it's been outlawed in the past because it was so popular and now, the sick entertainment is back deep in the jungles of the Philippines. Will the madness never end?
It's sickening how humans can be so cruel. I advocate the normal fight club, where idiotic men beat each other up. Leave the innocent animals alone.
I can't even advocate bullfighting. You're probably asking, "Why not? The bull is twice as large as a human, that's not even fair." To which I say, "No, it's not fair for the bull. Because, here is a little known fact. The bull handlers PURPOSELY injure the bull by jabbing them with spears before releasing it into the arena where the rider attempts to not be thrown off." The bull rider is looked upon as a hero the longer he stays on the back of the bull. Oh, yeah, hero? Try riding the pull without it being injured for you, you delusional idiot.
In fact, i do want to see a fight club. I want to see a fight club where an unarmed and injured human is thrown into a ring with a very upset animal. Yeah, I want to see that fight. It's only fair, right? We've had every other ind of fight club except that. And, yes, that is my malicious human side coming out. But, it's coming out to defend animals so I think it's OK.
My entire point is: it takes a really sick person to harm an animal and people who watch are demented.
Animal Fighting Club is, as you can guess, Fight Club without the hot Brad Pitt or any humans as a matter of fact. Animal Fight Club is a fight club where animals, not always of the same species, are placed in an enclosed ring to fight to the death as entertainment for their masters.
Unlike those that believe in the book, The Bible, I believe animals have souls and spirits. Any animal lover can see that an animals have personalities. They have likes and dislikes. They feel pain. They feel emotions. If they were soulless, they would just be mindless biological machines that did nothing except stand there like a piece of terra rock.
Nonhuman-animals have one thing we, human-animals, are not- pure innocence. Our nonhuman-animal cousins may have personalities and spirits, but they do not have a conscious as we do. Without a conscious, they cannot have the desire to do wrong, because they do not know what that means. You can say in a way, that an animal's mind lives in a world of pure innocence and naivety.
So, what kind of sick, mental sorry excuse for a human being thinks it's morally sound to destroy that type of innocence? I'll tell you- the same kind of bastards and motherf*ckers that rape and murder people.
You're probably saying, "Oh, Cassio, don't be so dramatic. Animal Fight Club ringleaders are not in the same category as rapists and murderers."
Well, to that I say, "Shut the f*ck up. And, yes, they are. And, also, in fact, hurting an animal is worse than hurting a human, because at least a human can defend themselves or call out for help. An animal won't know what's going on until it's too late. Nonhuman animals aren't evil or capable of malicious intent towards others. They have no idea, the limitless evils humans can possess and do.
Onward to the second part of my title for this post: Dante's 9 Circles of hell. Which one of these hell holes do Animal Fight Club ringleaders and spectators belong? For those of you who don't know the definings of Dante's hell map, I'll give a brief summarization.
First Circle: Limbo- where all good and decent souls go that do not believe in the "One" god and were not baptized.
Second Circle: Land of Lust- where all souls that committed adultery or fornicated out of wedlock for pleasure go.
Third Circle: Land of Gluttony- where all souls go that led a selfish life and fed their fat ass extra, not giving any to the less fortunate.
Fourth Circle: Land of Greed- where all the souls that thought of themself and only themself in every aspect; mostly filled with politicians and notorious leaders/people of power.
Fifth Circle: Land of Anger- souls that actively sought revenge for the cause of their anger issues and for those that let is sit deep inside to simmer but did nothing about it. It is a bit unfair that those that did not seek out revenge were punished but, hey apparently followers of the "One" god had to be immaculate to get into heaven.
Sixth Circle: Circle of Heretics- where all those that deny the religion and belief of the "One" god go. (Guess, I'll be going here.) But, I won't be alone, because apparently even those believing of the "One" god can go here if they believe in the wrong "sect" of the "true" religion. To be clear" even if you believe in the "One" god, if you are any other religion besides Christian/Catholic you will be joining the party that's in this circle.
Seventh Circle: Circle of Violence- where all the bastards that kill others, commit suicide, or actively destroy the earth go.
Eighth Circle: Circle of Fraud and Lies- place where all those that plan to corrupt others go. Example: cunning politicians, pimps, leaders of conspiracy groups.
Ninth Circle: Circle of Betrayal- a place where those who betrayed someone they had close ties goes. Examples: cheating spouse, parents that hurt their children or vice versa.
So, after going through the entire beehive that his hell, did you spot where Animal Fight Club ringleaders go? If you said the Seventh Circle, you are correct! According to Dante, any person committing acts of violence to the "One" god's creation, Earth, goes to the Seventh Circle. Animals are the 'fauna' part of "flora and fauna" (life of earth); to destroy any aspect of it, is to commit an act of violence against the "One" god and therefore needs to be punished.
We've all heard of cock fights aka rooster fights, dog fights, and even the occasional shark fights. But, I have never in my life heard of horse fighting until this week. Apparently it's been outlawed in the past because it was so popular and now, the sick entertainment is back deep in the jungles of the Philippines. Will the madness never end?
It's sickening how humans can be so cruel. I advocate the normal fight club, where idiotic men beat each other up. Leave the innocent animals alone.
I can't even advocate bullfighting. You're probably asking, "Why not? The bull is twice as large as a human, that's not even fair." To which I say, "No, it's not fair for the bull. Because, here is a little known fact. The bull handlers PURPOSELY injure the bull by jabbing them with spears before releasing it into the arena where the rider attempts to not be thrown off." The bull rider is looked upon as a hero the longer he stays on the back of the bull. Oh, yeah, hero? Try riding the pull without it being injured for you, you delusional idiot.
In fact, i do want to see a fight club. I want to see a fight club where an unarmed and injured human is thrown into a ring with a very upset animal. Yeah, I want to see that fight. It's only fair, right? We've had every other ind of fight club except that. And, yes, that is my malicious human side coming out. But, it's coming out to defend animals so I think it's OK.
My entire point is: it takes a really sick person to harm an animal and people who watch are demented.
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